idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
