I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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