Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
