Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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