They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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