It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
