Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
