Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Randomize
