Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
