Fuck appropriateness.
In America we eat man semen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
