Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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