he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
