you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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