apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I did not marry a roomba.
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