i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
