I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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