found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
