I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
