That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
