I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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