We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
