Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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