i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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