so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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