I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
