Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
only you would photoshop your dick
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
