i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
