If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
