I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
