You're so nebulous sometimes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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