All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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