So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
