both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
