So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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