I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i dont even know how to be here
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
