Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need moral support for this bender
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
