i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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