I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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