i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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