You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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