Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
