omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
