dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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