I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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