let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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