Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
