I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You made out with two different species that night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
