guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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