Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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