I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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