I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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