I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
